Pay it Forward

As my 25-year high school reunion draws near, I think about my days in high school.

And how far I've come since then.  

Last fall, I signed up for the planning committee for this reunion.  And thanks to the momentum of social media since my 20-year reunion, planning has been made much easier.

We've found people not on the committee, who are yet willing to help make our reunion even better than before.

One of them I've had lunch with twice over the summer, despite not having been in touch with him for 19 years prior, when he called my request line in the days when I was pulling an overnight on-air shift at a now-defunct hit country formatted radio station in Pittsburgh.  

And I've enjoyed both our lunch meetings thoroughly.

Tony is probably one of the most genuine people I know.  Groomed with a strong work ethic at an early age, he believed in hard work by his own hand, and that if you wanted something done right, you did it yourself and didn't blame others for your own failure.  

He built a business of his own on this very pretext, and is very much a hands-on person.

He had asked me for my advice to help his sons get started in their own business.  For some time in my native Detroit, I worked the club circuit as a DJ, playing everything from country to classic rock.  

I had also DJ'd my brother-in-law's reunion, and with the cash he advanced me, I purchased a used portable amplified speaker system to fit the bill.  I would later learn the secrets to running a complete show automated from a laptop.  

Tony had gotten wind of this and asked me what he needed to help his boys get started.

I was surprised by the request, yet pleased.  Today I lament how some parents don't teach their kids the importance and value of work, and just give them money arbitrarily, but Tony was giving his two sons the opportunity to get started at an early age and learn to develop this over the years.

Tony and I go back 31 years, when we were in junior high school together and were in most of the same classes.  He was the same then as he is now, I would learn.

I agreed to help.  We arranged for lunch, and I brought along all the CDs I used for DJ events.  He told me of a scrubber-mixer he had bought from Amazon.com and asked if he really needed it.  I told him it was a nice thing to have, but it was more of a luxury than a necessity.

He presented me with two bottles of wine afterwards.  Unnecessary, but hey, who am I to turn down free wine?  Especially good wine?  

Then came our second meeting.  He warned me that he was running about a half hour late, apologizing profusely the whole way into the restaurant.  Hey, stuff happens.  

He told me he had been running behind and hadn't transferred all my music yet, apologizing for that.  And, he  presented me with a digital drive he was going to transfer my music on so my laptop wouldn't get bogged down with music files.

And he bought me lunch.

I said "you don't have to do that."

And he knows that.  But true to his character, he believes in giving back more than what you take.  And to help others when in need, without expecting anything in return.

How many times have you been asked to do something while thinking 'what's in it for me?'

Fess up.  We've all been there.  I'm ashamed to admit that I've been there too.

But I've been trying to make up for it since then.  As I've grown older, I've come to appreciate the benefits of what it's like to be a part of a community...to give, not just take.

Neighbors helping neighbors.

The way it should be.

NEXT WEEK:  "Woodn't" it be nice...

Unhappy Valley...the Finale

NOTE:  The views and opinions in the following are strictly that of the author.


Just months ago, I did a two-part column on the Jerry Sandusky sex abuse scandal that shook the Pennsylvania State University down to its very foundation.
I was praised and punished.  By both longtime friends and "friends" quick to de-friend me from their Facebook accounts for taking the stand I did.
I remained supportive of Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno, because, at the time, like everyone else, I did not know the facts of the case.  Thus I felt that proof, rather than raw emotion, should be my guide in forming an opinion.
This is why we have the judicial system we have in this country.  Not perfect, but by far, the best we have until I see proof otherwise.
In other words, "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law".
The man himself said "I should have done more".
I thought to myself "well, what more could he have done?"
Then the report from Louis Freeh came out almost two weeks ago.
They say it takes a lifetime to build up a reputation.  At least a good one.  But it can take one bad moment to   destroy it.
Joe Paterno's finally came last week.
The only problem was, it wasn't one bad moment.  It was a series of bad moments stretched over 14 years.
14 years.
Fourteen years of enabling.  Fourteen years of sacrificing justice for the sake of the university's reputation and that of its football program, and it's all in writing.
It's something I'm still trying to wrap my brain around.
And it hurts.
Plus I've heard from a couple of others who have said their childish na-na "I told you sos".
One of them went as far to say "the silence from Paterno supporters is deafening".
The silence is not from denial.  But rather from the length of time it's going to take for complete acceptance to just what has happened here.
Acceptance from alumni and supporters of the legendary football program.  Those who sank large and small amounts of cash into supporting the program.  Because it was a very good one, and at its foundation was a coach who was quick to yank one of his players off the field if there was a hint of trouble on the field or off.
Let's also not lose sight of the fact that Paterno is only one of a great many who share blame at varying degrees in this.
We all know who bears the majority of the responsibility.
Penn State's football program was a testament to all that was right in this world, with a coach who believed in his players enough to keep them on the straight and narrow, with many of them going on the NFL or have done well professionally in their lives after football.
An entire belief structure has been shattered here.
Beaver Stadium was the church.  Paterno its pastor.  The university's Board of Trustees its elders.  The players the energetic choir that kept the parishioners on their feet.  The fans were the parishioners who gladly tithed.  And tithed some more.
What's frightening is, how many other schools are also hiding such behavior?
The hardest part of it all is, the man we affectionately called "JoePa" is not around anymore to say anything for himself, especially to the deafening cry of those who supported him:
"Why?"
Only God and Joe know.


NEXT WEEK:   Paying it forward...with interest

Cruise Control

About three weeks ago, my wife and I returned from a six-day five-night cruise to the Caribbean, a first for both of us.
My in-laws, having gone on about half a dozen cruise trips in their lifetime, decided to treat me, my wife and daughter, and her brother and his children to this trip, so that we had a chance to experience it as an extended family.
Two weeks before the trip, my wife contracted strep throat.  Then me.  We both paid a visit to our family doctor, who immediately put us on antibiotics, which we requested because we didn't want to be too sick to go on the trip.
When he heard we were going on a cruise, here's what he had to say:
"Eat as much as you want, forget I even exist."
He's obviously done this before.
You go hungry on a cruise trip, it's definitely not their fault.
We said from Baltimore aboard Royal Caribbean's "Enchantment of the Seas" the afternoon of Friday, June 22nd.
After some initial nervousness during 'muster', which is the same safety spiel that flight attendants give you at the beginning of the flight, I scrapped my misgivings about what happened aboard the Titanic and quickly got into the routine I would follow for the next week.
Swimming pools.  Hot tubs.  Gambling casino.  Movie theater.  Live music.  Passenger-participating competitions, game shows, and other such activities.  An activity center for the young-uns.  Several bars.  Shopping.  Ben and Jerry's.  Starbucks.  A sit-down restaurant and buffet style dining area.  A video arcade.  
Of course, partaking on some of these activities is either a challenge or unrealistic if you have a small child.
Though Savannah did have fun in the activity center, we didn't feel right putting her in there more than once, because this was a family trip, after all.
I particularly enjoyed our destination, Bermuda.
The weather, along with people driving on the wrong (to us) side of the road, the absence of bigbox stores, the small cars (seriously, no one drives anything bigger than a subcompact unless you're a cop or politician), the abundance of motor scooters, were all particularly appealing, plus the turquoise ocean water so clear you could see the sand below the surface.
I was particularly disappointed at how the electronic age has diminished the glamour of having a passport.  Though we had to show it multiple times, we did not get a stamp in our passport.  But we still had the passcards we were issued when we first boarded the ship.  I mean, that's something, right?
If you ever have the opportunity to take a cruise in your lifetime, I strongly suggest you take it.  And here are some suggestions for you to follow:
If you have small children, you may want to take a short-duration cruise, just to see how they (and you) can handle it.
Pack Dramamine or other motion sickness medication.  You will need it.  Though through most of the trip, the waters were calm, and the rocking was gentle enough to put you to sleep, we did have one rough night at sea on our way back.
Even if you have an iron constitution, still pack it.  It costs a fortune on the ship.
And antacids.  They don't sell those in any of the shops.  If you like to eat like I do, you will need these.
If you wish to eat dinner in the dining room, dress is formal.  You don't necessarily need to break out tux and tails, but they prefer collared shirts, non-denim pants, and closed shoes.  You may want to take two 'dressier' outfits to wear at dinner, then change back into casual gear in your cabin.
Royal Caribbean offers a chance for you to get your picture taken with the ship's captain if you're formally dressed.  And the ship does offer tuxedo rentals on board.
The staff is made up mostly of Filipino peoples who speak fluent (though well-accented) English.  Very polite, and service is second to none.  So be nice.
All told, a cruise trip isn't really all that expensive.  The killer is the airfare if you're not close enough to a port within a reasonable driving distance.  From our Pittsburgh-area home to Baltimore, it was about five and a half hours worth of driving.  That's about how long it takes me to get to my native Detroit.
Other East Coast ports include New York, New Jersey, South Carolina, Massachussetts, and of course, Florida.
I would suggest using travelocity.com.  You sometimes get the best deals by booking at the last minute or near it, provided you can arrange vacation time with your employer on fairly short notice.  I found a six-day cruise on Royal Caribbean boarding this Friday from Baltimore to Bermuda at $62 a day per person.
Add to that parking fees at the port, plus your gas for driving there.
And you've got a vacation you will tell many about for years to come.
Happy sailing.


NEXT WEEK:  Unhappy Valley...the Finale

Forgiveness

Yeah, I know.
I didn't have a column last week.  So sue me.
After saying I was only going to be gone for a week, it didn't turn out that way.
Last week's column was interrupted by more substantial priorities, like getting acclimated to a new office building and all the niceties (a term I use very loosely) that come with moving not one, not two, but three radio stations into it.
When you're trying to get your computer to work, finding where on the new control room board where the CBS feed comes in, and if it's working, plus other technical glitches.
Though we're getting the 'bugs' worked out, thanks to two of our four owners and assistants that have been working non-stop, we're well on our way.
Those of you who know me and what I'm about, will overlook the faux pas and cut me some slack for my absence.
And that's important.
Because in the big scheme of things, that's not bad.
Despite my soon to be 43 years on our cherished planet, it never ceases to amaze me how many people choose to hold on to anger and resentment...no matter how many years have passed.
And my question is why?
When you hold onto anger or resentment against another, you effectively allow that person to control you, albeit passively.
I'm on the planning committee for my 25th high school reunion.  For almost a year now, we've been meeting every month to track down our classmates and put them on the invitation list.
This has been made easier through social media like facebook, but some either have stayed on the shoulder of the information superhighway or shied away from social networking websites altogether.
And those we have been able to track down, a lot of them don't want to be found.
It's easy to understand why.
Some were bullies, or were bullied.  But why let that stand in the way of anything?
One girl comes to mind who was a social outcast in high school.  Though she continues to struggle with issues today, she found the courage to show up at our 20-year reunion with her husband and show that she, despite a stormy childhood, can overcome.
One boy, very popular throughout high school, has tended to stay away from the whole reunion scene, most likely due to an unsettled score with a fellow classmate.
Three words.
LET...IT...GO.
Another girl, whom I did not care for, from my days as far back as junior high.  She made contact with me 13 years ago and apologized for her role in our friction.  Completely shocked yet pleased, I too made my peace, and we've been friends ever since.
It was a wonderful feeling indeed.
Then after talking with each other and reminiscing, we learned that the source of our friction was caused by a dirty trick played on us by a school bully who has since passed away.
Then we laughed at how we'd been had.
And we laughed at how easily we made up, in comparison with others we knew who insist on holding a grudge.
I remember someone once saying that kids suffer so much because they won't tell anyone what's the matter.
So end the suffering as an adult.
Let it go.
Life's too short.


NEXT WEEK:  Boat Trip